Bitter Sweet

Yup, that's me in my cap and gown! I am proud to say I have recently graduated from Harrisburg Area Community College with my associates degree in Psychology. Next I am off to Penn State to earn my bachelor's degree and then my masters in Psycholgy. I felt amazing that night. I had taken a great set in my educational career. There's no doubt I was smiling like crazy with pride. But it wasn't all so grand. Because as I look at this photo, there is someone missing. Next to me is my loving Aunt, then my Grandmother and lastly my cousin. Three strong women that have been there for me. But after taking this picture, I cried. Here I am doing something great in my life, and she is not here to see it...it was like I was abandoned. My heart was being crushed because of so many reasons. I wanted to be happy, but she wasn't there. I was mad that I was not letting myself be happy, then felt guilty for feeling that way. Yah I know totally confusing. It was like all the grief and sorrow I had of losing my mother came back.
I hate knowing that when these moments happen in my life she won't be there. She won't be there to give me a congratulatory hug, give me a pat on the shoulder, or to just even say she is proud. That night I promised myself something, that no matter how hard it is in life, with the grief and sorrow,I will do great things to make myself proud.