Week 1

Hey Friends,

I hope everyone is having a great week. I registered for the walk with the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention. My team is Andrew's Angels. I'm joined again by my great friend Gayle. I have many ideas for this year on different kinds of fundraisers. I talked with my boss about possibly doing another bake sale, I'm crossing my fingers that we can make this work.

There was a donation on Monday by my boyfriends father and wife, thank-you both so much. Your donation is towards saving lives. Thank-you all for helping people that truly need help.

Therapeutic Poetry; Walk

Hey friends, so I'm making this a ritual, every time I begin doing a fundraiser I will post this poem. I wrote this a while ago and I believe it states what I'm really doing. Hope you all like it, comment me with your thoughts.

Walk

I am a girl,
fighting to live,
fighting against myself
to live.
My mother my best friend
she drew her last
breath.
and left me here to
breath without her.
Courage, my courage laid
with her in that coffin.
Now I walk this gray
path, telling my story.
Hope and strength run through
me.
Many changes occurred for
me to be
this way.
I am a girl with a
story.
My mother made herself
breathe her last breath.
But I will still stand.
My story is to never
take your life.
I walk everyday
without her.
Breathing without her.

New Year, New Opportunity to Save Lives

Hey Everyone,

The day has come to start the fundraising for 2010. This year the walk will be in Boston, Massachusetts. The walk will take place on June 26th. So from now until June I have a goal of raising 1,000 dollars for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

If you this is your first time to my blog, thank-you for checking it out! Please read the right side of my blog describing why I am raising money for this foundation. Please email me at afieseler@gmail.com if you have any questions. Details will be posted of any upcoming fundraisers and all about how this whole journey is going. I hope everything is going well with everyone!! And again, thank-you all for helping to save lives!

New York Trip-Photos

Some of the amazing people at the New York conference, thank-you all sooo much!

I took this at the top of the NBC building. The view was amazing!

St. Patrick's Cathedral, it was very beautiful.

I had to bend back to take this picture! And I went to the top of this building!

It was such a great day there!

New York Trip

Hey Everyone!,

I hope everyone is doing well! This past Friday and Saturday I traveled to New York City. It was amazing! The reason why I went there was for a conference held there for the National Survivors of Suicide Day. Another reason I went was to visit my GREAT friend Gayle who I met from the walk in Chicago, we were on the same team, "Andrew's Angels."
I went to an amazing restaurant, and got a great chance to go to 'The Rock", which is the top of the NBC building in Rockefeller center. I took some pictures, and I will post them. The conference was terrific, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention did a really great job at putting it all together. I met amazing people, who are fellow survivors.
First, we all sat down to hear a discussion from Dana Perry, who made the movie "Boy Interrupted", a documentary of her son's suicide. Later we watched a video that premiered world wide about different ways people are coping with the loss of their loved one to suicide. It was a great video and very informational. Then we were divided into groups depending on who we lost to have a peer to peer therapy group. I cried sooo much, but it was amazing.
The conference was just amazing. Thank-you all who made that conference possible. It was so helpful. I met some great people, and just helped to validate that I'm not alone. Again I want to thank all of you guys and gals out there. With your support you are helping to save lives. Thank-you, thank-you.

Therapeutic Poetry; True

Hey Friends, it's been a while since I've posted some poetry. I wrote this poem today. I was inspired to write this poem because of the 4 year marking of losing my mom last Tuesday. This poem is very personal, but shows the step of my grief process.

It was believed

that this thought,

this feeling

was gone.

Just as the sea washes away

the sand,

I thought the guilt would

be washed away,

far,far away.

My guilt lies in that phone call.

The last night of your

life, you waited for my call.

I was too caught up in my

youth to remember the world.

As I awoke the next morning

and heard of your

breathless body,

I shattered.

Pieces of me still remain on that floor.

I heard that before you chose to leave me here,

you were upset waiting

for a phone call

from your blue eyes daughter.

At this moment I lost

all that I use to be.

As I reached out to others,

all that was heard was

that it was not my fault.

My soul stated this everyday, and achieved pushing the guilt

below the surface.

It has been four years.

And I state it now un-spokenly

that it's my belief it was my fault.

I do not say this for any reason

but that it is simply my belief.

One that I welcome awkwardly.

Because it is grief that is no longer

shamefully locked away.

But one that is let out, and

makes my soul breathe lighter.

Birthday

Hey Friends,

Tomorrow, October 19th, is my mom's birthday. Please keep my family in your thoughts as this is a hard day. She would have been 45 years old. I have my traditions, of walking to where I spread her ashes, and quitely singing Happy Birthday. So if you can, give your mom a big hug tomorrow! Thanks again for everyone's support in saving lives. This journey of grief is hard, so I am glad we can help prevent others from joining this journey. Thank-you, and I hope you all have a great week!

Mini Walk Completed

Hey Friends,

The mini-walk was GREAT. There were so many people there showing support. Again I wore a gold necklace representing losing a parent to suicide. My Aunt Deb, cousins Brittany, Brain and David joined me in the walk showing support. I am very sorry, I do not have photos. As soon as I whipped out my camera, it ran out of batter! I will try to get photos from friends, sorry guys!

We walked a total of five miles. The wind was blowing at a good speed, but we all still persisted. There were people there from the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, telling us of how the money will be used. A lot of the money raised thus far has gone to medical research, helping to save lives. I also meet the Harrisburg area American Foundation for Suicide Prevention committee. They were a great group of people and have done a lot for this area.

People drove by and honked their horns, thanks for your support! Thank-you all for your support, and continue to check-out the site!

Mini-Walk Reminder!!

Save The Date:

Saturday, October 10th, 1:00 p.m.

Come out to support a great cause!

Mini Walk

Hey Friends,

Hopefully everything is going well with everyone. I wanted to let everyone know about a mini-walk that will be occurring on Saturday, October 10th. People around the Harrisburg area will be coming together for a common cause, to save lives. We will be walking only a few miles, nothing compared to the 18 miles this past June.
This will be my third year doing this walk. Last year there was a heavy rain the whole time, however, we all walked. So if your driving by honk your horn in support, or come on out to cheer everyone on, or even walk! Together we will save lives.

Up-Date-Long Time

Hey Friends,

It has been a long time since my last post, and for that I apologize. Life has been hectic, but the need to help people is still very strong! I've been talking with my awesome friend Rob Golden about ideas for future fundraisers. Some things that we have been talking about are poetry readings, and joining forces to do fundraisers. The fundraisers will not start until January 2010. Keep checking out the site, as I will be keep up with my posting! Thank-you all for helping to save lives!

Theraputic Song; "What A Shame" by Shinedown

Hey Friends,

One of my friends recommended this song to me and it was very amazing and powerful. Here are lyrics, I hope you all love it as much as I do!

Two packs of cigarettes a day

The strongest whiskey Kentucky can make

That's a recipe to put a vagabond

On his hands and knees

I watched it all up close,

I knew him more than most

I saw a side of him he never showed

Full of sympathy for a world that

Wouldn't let him be

That's the man he was,

Have you heard enough?

What a shame, what a shame,

To judge a life that you can't change

The choir sings, the church bells ring

So, won't you give this man his wings?

What a shame to have to beg you to

See we're not all the same

What a shame

There's a hard life for every silver spoon

There's a touch of grey for every shade Of blue

That's the way that I see life

If there was nothing wrong,

Then there'd be nothing right

And for this working man they say could

Barely stand

There's gotta be a better place to land

Some kind of remedy for a world that

Wouldn't let him be

That's the man he was,

Have you heard enough?

What a shame, what a shame,

To judge a life that you can't change

The choir sings, the church bells ring

So, won't you give this man his wings?

What a shame to have to beg you to

See we're not all the same

What a shame

God forgive the hands that laid you down

They never knew how, but your brokenHeart can break the sound

And change the season

Now the leaves are falling faster,

Happily ever after

You gave me hope through your endeavors

And now you will live forever

What a shame, what a shame,

To judge a life that you can't change

The choir sings, the church bells ring

So, won't you give this man his wings?

What a shame to have to beg you to

See we're not all the same

What a shame, what a shame

'Cause we're not all the same

What a shame, what a shame

'Cause we're not all the same

Next Year

Hey Friends,

Doing this fundraiser and walk has shown me that there is a lot of need out there. I've decided to do this fundraiser and walk again next year! I will continue to keep you all posted, please continue to follow my blog to keep up with all the details! Thank-you all for saving lives.

The Walk- Saturday 6/27/09-Sunday 6/28/09

Hey Friends,



A lot happened on Saturday. We spent the day walking around the city looking at all of its beauty. The traffic was crazy, and Alicia had almost gotten struck by a bus! After walking a good 3 miles around the city we all went back and relaxed before the walk.

Going to the walk sparked a lot of emotions. Everything started settling in about why I was doing the walk. There were many generous faces there, and I finally met my coach who works for the foundation in New York. Over 2,000 people came to support the cause and participate in the walk, and together we raised 1.9 million dollars! After signing in I received a golden bead neck-lace, representing losing a parent to suicide. The opening ceremony was very emotional. Rob Gebbia spoke of why we were doing the walk, and dedicated this specific walk to all the men and women serving out country. It was very hard during the opening ceremony to obtain a dry eye. There was a moment I wanted to fall to my knees and sob. But I had such great supportive friends with me that they helped give my legs strength to stand.

We started the walk off a little after 7 p.m. Beginning the walk was difficult emotionally. It was as though I was walking through a wall. I spoke to my awesome friend Gayle about the difficulty and she just kept walking with me, thank-you! There was so much energy, and joy. Many thanks go out to the cheerleaders that were along the walk, they kept us going. Their cheers and thanking us for walking really gave me a lot of drive to keep going.

Walking all of these miles at first seemed like a piece of cake. But about mile 6 we could all feel the pain in our feet. Luckily there were rest stops about every 2 miles. There was plenty of water and delicious snacks to keep us going. The weather was muggy and we even received a little rain, but the rain became very refreshing. Poor Christine hurt her hip, Alicia had bad pain in her shin that became rock hard, Gayle became stiff, and I developed a good size blister. Crossing the finish line our team looked like we had just been beaten up, but we made it! But 4 a.m. we were walking to the finish line with many passionate people clapping and cheering.

Crossing the finish line was like breathing life all over again. There were thousands of white bags that everyone personally decorated lined up at the finish line. Each bag had a candle placed in it. Doing this I knew that I was saving a life, and always remembering my mother. We were welcomed to a quick breakfast, and then attended a closing ceremony.

The closing ceremony was as emotional as the opening one. There were some great singers there, and a courageous man spoke of his attempt to commit suicide. Hearing his story was very powerful, showing that we can help people. We got back to our hotel at 6 a.m. and snoozed away.

Doing this walk was very powerful. This was a journey that helped me personally understand there is more to life than grief. Doing this helped me to breathe life again. Together we saved lives. When I started this journey I didn't think I would be able to do this, but because of all of my many friend (both new and old) encouragement, they made it possible. Thank-you,thank-you. The gift of saving a life is more than we all will know, by saving that one life you save their loved ones as well. Thank-you.

The Walk- Friday 6/26/09

Hey Friends,

On Friday my fantastic Aunt, Uncle and cousins drove me to the airport. I flew to Chicago and met an amazing woman on the flight, she really helped to calm my nervous. Upon landing in Chicago I took my first taxi cab ever! It was awesome I felt like a big city girl. Once arriving at the hotel I ran out to go to a reception dinner that I was invited to go to because you all helped me exceed my fundraising goal. There I met my amazing new "god-family" Gayle, Christine and Alicia. The reception had delicious food and delightful cookies.

After the reception dinner we went to view an HBO premier of a documentary of a parents story of losing their son to suicide. The title of the documentary is "Boy Interrupted", and it was amazing! It was very raw and true. There were many points that my mouth dropped at the comments made and there were so many tears shed. After the premier the mother of the amazing boy who lost his life to suicide had a question and answer session, and a psychologist and a host was with her on stage. They were very honest, and spoke from the heart.

It was a great night, with lots of tears, but many smiles because of meeting great, passionate people.

My Uncle Curtis, Aunt Deb, Cousins Brian, Brittany and David

Robert Gebbia, The head of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

The host, Mother Dana Perry, and the psychologist

The Walk-Disclaimer

Hey Friends,

We did it! Thank-you all for your support, on Sunday morning at 4 a.m. I walked across the finish line with my amazing friends Gayle, Christine and Alicia. Because of all of your support, you made this possible. This past weekend we raised awareness and saved lives.
Before I explain the walk, and all the occurrences this past weekend, I must let you know I am still awaiting some great photos because sadly as I landed in Chicago, I realized my camera was out of juice. Luckily my awesome friend who I met through this amazing walk, Christine had a camera. Through the walk her battery was running low so we went for plan C and Gayle took pictures with her camera phone. There as not as many pictures as we all would have liked because we all had to take them sparingly. I promise to add pictures to the website as I receive them. Again thank-you all for making this possible!

Details To Come

Hey Friends,

I just got back from the walk. I will have details to come and many pictures to share. Please check the site out tomorrow as I will have many stories. It is late and I have to call it a night, as well as un-pack. Thank-you all, we're saving lives!

Theraputic Quote/Photography

Hey Friends,



This is a quote from the pastor at my cousin's wedding. I believe it has many meanings. For me it is that through life the true love means you must sacrifice things. I love my mother, but there was an illness blinding our love for each other. Her life was not taken out of sacrifice, but was taken for reasons that I will never know. This journey of grief I've learned that I need to hurt so I am able to heal. I believe that through this I am sacrificing my joy, so that one day I will be truly happy with no ignorance along with it. Love truly is a sacrifice in many forms.

" Love, the real love, is sacrificial."

Week 19

Hey Friends,

I hope you all had a great week. This week was not as busy as past weeks. I had hopes of doing a fundraiser this past Saturday in the form of a yard-sale. But Saturday was my cousin's wedding, and my boyfriend was the photographer. I though I would have time to squeeze the yard-sale in the morning but was unsuccessful. Sorry guys.
At the car wash everyone did a great job advertising the foundation, as well as my web-site. I checked it out and it's been viewed over 50 times this week! Thank-you all sooo much.
This week I will be working out like crazy, and getting all the supplies I need for the walk.
Thank-you everyone that are making this possible. This has been an amazing journey for me, one that has helped me grow. Of course that is just a bonus for me because the true reason for all of this is to save lives. I'm truly honored to help all of people that need our help. Thank-you all that have helped to make my mother's death into such a positive thing, thank-you.

Car Wash Photos

Hey Friends,

We were so busy with the car wash that we weren't able to take many pictures. The first left hand one is a shadow picture of my Aunt and I holding signs and yelling at folks to come to the car wash. The second picture is of my Uncle Curtis, Bryan and my nerdy boyfriend in action washing a car. The third picture is of David posing by a car he washed. When that corvett pulled up his eyes were beaming. The fouth picture is of my Uncle Mark and his large truck that we washed.

Thanks to all that came and supported this cause!

Car Wash

Hey Friends,

The car wash was awesome! I had so many friends come out and help me, thank-you Rob, Jessica, Andy, my Uncle Mark, Uncle Curtis, Aunt Deb, Brittney, Bryan, David and of course my nerdy boyfriend Tim.
Thanks to my loud mouth friends and family we were able to get many car's attention by yelling and jumping. Our spirit stayed alive through it all. I don't know if some people just came in to get us all to stop yelling or truly wanted their car washed. All in all it was a great day!
Thank-you soooo much to all of those that came out. I was so happy to see all the support, there were times that there was a line. My cousin did a total and after the day was done we had a total of 27 cars washed, and my friends, together we raised $300.00 dollars!
Without all of you guys this would not be possible. Because of your generosity you are saving lives. Thank-you all for helping me turn my mother's death into a very positive thing. By saving others so they don't have to walk this journey of sorrow. Thank-you.

Week 18

Hey Friends,

I hope you all had a great week! This week was busy getting things ready for the car wash. I had passed out many flyers and letters. Thank-you very much to Giant, Panera Bread, and Al's Pizza for letting my flyers be posted at your restaurants/stores.
I met an awesome guy at the YMCA who gave me a donation this week, thanks George! I owe a BIG thanks to Rob Golden, without him I would not have the courage to do this fundraiser. He's been my cheerleader the whole way and is truly dedicated to helping people. Thank-you Rob, for giving me the courage to go out there and help people and find my passion in helping!
I have many helpers for Sunday, thank-you all so much for volunteering to help. With all of you helping it shows you dedication and support for suicide prevention, and your drive to help end the stigma to suicide and mental illness.
Well my friends I hope to see all of your smiling faces on Sunday (June 14th) at Metro (old Commerce) Bank from 11:30-3:30. I hope you all have an awesome week, and thank-you to all that are making this possible!

Car Wash to Save Lives!

Save The Date:

Sunday, June 14th - Car Wash at Commerce Bank

Starts at 11:30 and ends at 3:30

Bring your cars to support suicide prevention and break the stigma!

Week 17

Hey Friends,

I hope you all had a great week! My week at the beach was fun, but I am glad to get back to raising money for this awesome cause. I talked to one of my fellow team members for this walk this past Monday. We talked about the walk and how many amazing people we have met along this tremendous journey.
I am sorry to say that the Zumba fundraiser will not occur. Though there were many that wanted to help with this fundraiser, the timing just did not work. I would like to thank all those who supported this cause and were willing to give up their time, thank-you very much!
The little town that I live in is holding a community yard sale on Saturday June 20th. What better way to do a fundraiser? I've called some friends and family and asked if they had some un-wanted items they would like to donate for the yard sale, and they said they would look. Thanks guys!
This week I will get back to kick-boxing and eating healthy. As well as getting things ready for the next fundraiser on June 14th, the car wash at Commerce Bank. Bring down your cars to help support suicide prevention and help end the stigma.
I hope you all have a great week! Thank-you all so much, because of your support you are making this possible!

Week 16

Hey Friends,

I hope everyone had a great week! This week was not as busy as previous weeks. Monday was great, and I just want to thank-you all again that came out and supported the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I've been in contact with a YMCA to see if we are able to do a Zumba class/fundraiser, and the process has seem to be taking a long to, so I've been checking into doing other fundraisers. Though I still am holding a fundraiser on June 14th, a car wash.
I'll be checking out some new fundraiser ideas, and try to manage when to have them. The date is vastly approaching of the walk, June 27th. I'll be seeing the gym more than anything else with the short time I have left to train.
This next week I will be at the beach, so I will be soaking up the sun, and will not have a new post. I hope you all have a good holiday break and enjoy your long weekend! Thanks to all that are making this possible!

Fundraiser At Old Country Buffet

Hey Everyone,

I just want to thank everyone that came out and supported the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention on Monday May 18th. Over 60 people came and supported the cause, thank-you sooooo much. I met some very amazing people who were very intrigued by the cause and took a flyer or my card. I gave so many cards away that I ran out. Since the event I've noticed people have viewed the site more, thanks for checking it out! People came from family to friends to co-workers to people that I didn't even know. It really meant a lot to me that you all came, showing that my mother is not being forgotten and her death is somehow helping to save others. Thank-you all that have been supporting me the whole way through this, you all give me strength to keep going!
It will take a few weeks to know the amount raised, and I will let you all know how we did! Thank-you all again for your support!

Photos of May 18th Fundraiser

Week 15

Hey Friends,

I hope everyone had a great week! This was another busy week, full of typing and sending many e-mails. I sent many e-mails to radio stations, but sadly I did not get any replies. Though I did send an e-mail to a news station and they said they were going to see what they can do, thank-you sooo much. Well I've tried to get the news out about the fundraiser on Monday May 18th at the Old Country Buffet, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I hope to see all of your smiling faces there!
I started doing a kick-boxing class this week with my awesome friend Jessica to help get me in shape for the LARGE walk in Chicago on June 27th (18 miles). My finals just ended this week so I am dedicated to eating healthy and saying bye to those sweets that had once helped to keep me up late. Dan is being a great helper in getting me to eat healthy, thanks!
On Friday I went and gave a speech to a group of teens at the Salvation Army. Once again I was very nervous, but I'm hoping I got the message across. I had a lot of fun, and the teens were amazing. Thank-you all so much for letting me come out and for listening to my fast pace talking!
Well my friends, I need to get things ready for tomorrow. I hope you all have a great week! Thanks again to all that are making this possible.

Valuable Information

Hey Friends,

I received an e-mail from Bob Gebbia, the executive director of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I wanted to share the info in it because it really explains why we all do this and where the money goes.

How the money is used:

• Invest in 18 new research studies that will advance understanding of the causes of suicide and its prevention
• Organize at least 5 new AFSP chapters across the country
• Recruit thousands of additional grassroots volunteers to advocate for suicide prevention
• Expand the outreach program which links trained volunteer survivors with the recently bereaved to offer support
• Distribute AFSP's new educational film for high school students to teach them about adolescent depression and the importance of getting help
• Complete a film and materials to train teachers, guidance counselors and other school personnel about suicide prevention
• Use our film on physician depression and suicide to educate physicians and medical students to recognize depression in themselves and their patients

Broken down how much money can help:

• For every $50 you raise, we can provide educational materials to 25 people, emphasizing the importance of early identification and treatment for those suffering from depression and other disorders that put them at risk. If just one person seeks help for depression, a life could be saved for less than the cost of dinner and a movie.
• For every $100 you raise, AFSP can educate a mental health professional or primary care physician about the warning signs of suicide; they, in turn, will reach hundreds - maybe thousands - of people.
• For every $500 you raise, a new Survivor of Suicide support group facilitator can be trained, and the members of the group will be given a chance to be with other survivors who understand, and will know that they are not alone.
• For every $1,000 you raise, you, together with 20 additional walkers, we can fund a year of research into the genetic, biological or behavioral factors that contribute to suicide. The number of lives potentially saved by this research is incalculable.

Eat To Save Lives!

Save The Date:

May 18th, Old Country Buffet on the Carlisle Pike!

Eat Food to save lives!!

Week 14

Hey Friends,

I hope everyone had a good week! This week was full of passing out flyers, and telling people about the fundraiser occuring at Old Country Buffet on Monday, May 18th. This past Wednesday I went to my monthly meeting of Survivors of Suicide. It was great, I got to share all my stories of the fundraiser so far. I told them about my up-coming events and possible ideas and they really cheered me on and gave me awesome advice, thanks guys! I discussed with my friends at my meeting about contacting a radio station and my one friend stated he was friends with a guy at one radio station and he was goign to see what he could do, thank-you sooooo much.
On Monday I will try to contact more forms of media and see where it goes from there. Also I will be passing out tons and tons of flyers and tell everyone about the fundraiser.
This has been a great week, thanks to all that are making this possible! I hope everyone has a great next week!

Week 13

Hey Friends,

I hope everyone had a good week! This week was just more planning. During a work meeting I passed out some flyers for the May 18th fundraiser at Old Country Buffet. Thanks to all at the meeting for showing your support and taking the flyers. I've been talking to some friends about the fundraiser and they have been giving me some great advice. They told me of some fantastic radio stations that would help support the cause and help make the public aware of the upcoming fundraisers. Also I've had some amazing people volunteer to help with the car wash fundraiser, thank-you all so much! I was very fortunate to have four of my poems published this week in my college's book titled "Voices". On April 30th the publishers held a kick-off event for the books release and asked writers who were published in their book to come and talk about their work. Well I was one that pushed through that stage freight and read my poems and discussed my trail of suicide prevention. Thanks again to the publishers of "Voices" for excepting my poems, allowing me to read them, and help fight the stigma against suicide prevention.
I am still trying to iron out the details about the Zumba fundraiser, I'm just waiting to hear from another YMCA if they would be fine with holding an event there. My boss has offered to help with doing another bake-sale/cook-out. This will take some planning and time management, but hopefuly it will occur. I'm really glad to see how enthustiastic people are about this cause!
I hope everyone has an awesome week! Thanks to all that are making this possible.

Week 12

Hey Friends,

I hope everyone had a great week. This week for me was very mello, just spent time hitting the gym. I'm defiantly not ready for a marathon, but I feel I'm pretty prepared for the 18 mile walk. I've been finding a lot of positive aspects forming from working out.
Check out the news! There have been many upon many walkers in the news. Congrads to all of them, together we are breaking the stigma. This past week in the sentinel an awesome girl named Jessica was in the newspaper, you go! Please check-out the overnight on myspace and facebook, there you can really see and understand why we all come together and do this.
This week I also started passing out flyers for the May 18th fundraiser at Old Country Buffet. I talked to an awesome woman Melissa and she offered to pass out flyers at her church, thank-you!
Thank-you all that are making this possible! I hope everyone has a great next week.

Week 11

Hey Friends,

I hope everyone had a great week. This week was a lot of planning. I waited and waited to hear back from Old Country Buffet, and finally the verdict came...May 18th there will be a fundraiser there! So my friends mark it down on your calendars to come have some good food while helping to save lives. I will try to contact some forms of media to help spread the word. So please tell everyone you know. I've still been working out, and I've noticed that I'm taking a shorter time completing my workout.
While enjoying my Easter dinner with my boyfriend's step-mother's family another fundraiser idea came about. A wonderful woman in his family teaches Zumba and she offered to teach a class and the money will go toward the foundation! Her and I have been chatting over e-mail to iron out the details and figure out a date. As soon as we know a date I will let you all know.
Next week will be busy talking to people about advertising the fundraiser at Old Country Buffet, and figuring out the Zumba fundraiser. Well I hope you all have a great week. Thanks to all that are making this possible!

What I Put in AFSP's April Newsletter

This is what I stated in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention April newsletter

Ashley Fieseler
1) Why are you walking in The Overnight?
I am walking in The Overnight for a woman that I received beauty, grace and life from, my mother. On October 27th, 2005 she lost her life to depression. I take every step in remembrance of her, and for those that need our help, like my mother did. Doing this walk helps me through this crazy journey of grief, being able to meet many others whose heart sorrows like mine.
2) How did you hear about The Overnight Walk?
The way that I heard about The Overnight Walk was through a meeting that I attend once a month, Survivors of Suicide (people who attend this meeting have lost someone they love to suicide). We all participate in the community walks, but I really wanted to volunteer for the big walk, The Overnight Walk. So through e-mail I met two amazing women named Allyson and Gayle, and they inspired me to raise the money and walk.
3) What advice do you have for other walkers?
Advice to give? I sound like Nike, but just do it. I’ve done two bake sales so far as well as giving a speech to a group of wonderful ladies at a church, and I will be doing a car wash and a fundraiser at a restaurant. Doing those bake sales I was so nervous, and it also brought up a lot of emotions. But I just kept remembering why I am doing the walk, to help others. So my friends just ask people. The power of asking is scary but very rewarding. If you get scared, just remember who you are helping.
4) What surprised you most about your fundraising efforts?
I was surprised at how much people wanted to help! It was a little scary at first asking people to donate or help in my efforts to raise money, but I received so much help. At my bake sale when I told people what foundation I was raising money for, they knobbed their heads and said that it was a really good cause. And I was also surprised of the many, many stories that I’ve heard. Upon mentioning the why I was raising money people told me stories of how they lost someone to suicide or of how they themselves have been battling with mental illness. I was really glad, because talking about it was helping to break the stigma.

Week 10

Hey friends,

Hope everyone had a great week. This week I hit the gym hard. After one of my workouts I got a round of applause, thanks guys. I've been trying a lot harder to be more health conscious, but it's just so hard to resist those sweets. I went to talk to the great people at Old Country Buffet about doing a possible fundraiser there. I met an awesome woman named Stephine, she will be sending in my paper work today, and hopefully I will hear back from them by the end of next week. The possible date is May 18th, so keep your fingers crossed!
I have some amazing news, the foundation that I am raising money for posts a monthly newsletter. Well, this month they decided to put me in it! Also the foundation has their own myspace and facebook page, and they have posted two of my poems there! Check it out at either http://www.myspace.com/theovernightwalk, or http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=24098083491&ref=mf. I have a lot of other ideas, hopefully next week I will be talking to many more caring/awesome people.
This week was great, thanks to all that are making this possible! Hope everyone has another great week!

Week 9

Hey Friends,

Hope everyone had a good week. Well this week I skipped going to the gym, I had a head cold. Sorry friends, I didn't get too much done this week. But I did stop by Commerce Bank at the corner on Route 15. I talked to the assistant manager of Commerce Bank about doing a car wash there, and they said yes! So on June 14th, from 11-3:30 bring your cars. Mark on your calendars! This week I will be back to the gym and talking to a few other places about doing fundraisers. I got another donation this week, thanks for saving lives!! Hope you all have an awesome week.

Theraputic Song; "Sissy Song" by Allan Jackson

Hey Friends,
I don't know if any of you are into country, but this is an amazing country song. It is by Allan Jackson titled "Sissy Song." The first time I heard this song I cried. It descrides many of the feelings people have of losing a person suddenly/unexpected. I hope you all like it as much as I do!

Why did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
They'll always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me

Week 8

Hey Friends,

Hope everything is well with everyone! This week was all about working out and learning about eating healthy. Yes I have to say bye bye to my high intake of sweets. Luckily I have friends there to help stay healthy with me. We will be eating plenty of salads. I have to say a BIG thanks to all my friends at the YMCA this week, because they have really given me a lot of advice about what workouts to do and some awesome health tips. Dan showed me some great streching skills, he's saved me from a lot of muscle cramps! I talked to my awesome friend Rob and he gave me great ideas on different fundraising ideas. I see a rather large car warsh in the future. I received another doantion this week, thanks for saving lives! Well that's it for this week, thanks to all that are making this possible!! Take care everyone.

Bale Sale Photos

This is my boyfriend, Tim. I owe sooooo many thanks to him. He has helped me bake, plan, and has never stopped being supportive. Thank-you Tim, for constantly being supportive and always showing the passion you have to help. I love you!

This is me at the bake sale stand, we sold almost all of those muffins!!

Week 7

Hey friends,

Hope everyone is doing well. This week was very busy. I had all the intentions of starting my work-out this week, but I only managed to work-out for one day. This week I am giving no excuses, because I can't let this 18 mile walk kick my butt. I baked a lot of muffins, and stayed up late trying to put everything together, but it was all worth it! I have to mention this week I talked to a small group of teens, I was glad to talk to them. At first when I mentioned about my fundraiser and who it was for they looked shocked. But it was a shock of wow I thought we didn't talk about this. I hope in the future people are able to talk about suicide and mental illness. These small conversations are helping to break the stigma.
The bake sale was awesome! Again I met some amazing people, sharing some great stories. I even met another person who is doing the walk! Some shared of their own personal battles, and I was glad they felt open to talk to me about it...breaking the stigma. From this bake sale we raised $180.00 dollars!! Thank-you all so much!
This week was great, full of many people saving lives. Thanks to all that are making this possible!

Theraputic Poetry; Metaphor

It has been a while since I have posted some poetry, and now is as good of time as any. I wrote this poem in my Literature class; we were assigned to write a metaphor , and I decided to write a metaphor about how I changed after my mother's death.

This poem has been published, and I've read this at poetry readings. I hope you all like it!

Metaphor

You are fear, you are my love.
Invisible eyes search for you
since that day I fell like tears,
sitting before a two fold path
with skinned knees and a broken heart.
Days sorrowed by and nights were awoken.
Much knowledge was sheared,
And my legs found strength.
I inked my wish with in me.
Your death made me find passion.

Bake Sale!

Save The Date:

March 21st, Bake Sale at West Shore YMCA!

Buy goods to save lives!

Week 6

Hey Friends,

Hope everyone is doing well! This week was not as busy compared to others. I got another donation this week, thank you for helpng save lives. I am very close to my goal, but I'm will still be doing more fundraisers, and raising awareness. There are many people out there that need our help, so I would like to raise as much as possible. I am looking at different locations that I can speak at about suicide prevention, so if you have any ideas let me know! This Monday will be day one of me starting my work-out for the walk. Luckily I will have a friend to do it with, so we will push each other along. On March 21st I will be holding another bake sale, but it will just be a breakfast bake sale. I hope to see you all there, there will be a great variation of food ( lots of muffins!). Hope you all have a great week!

Bake Sale Photos

This is one of my little helpers. In that container were some sugar sprinkles, and he just couldn't say no to eating them!

These little ladies were also my helpers, they just had to get their craziness out!

No matter who walked by these ladies were always smiling!











This is a picture of the tri-fold that my friends helped me make. In the center is a picture of my beautiful mother.

This is me in action selling away.

Week 5

Hey Friends,

Hope everyone has had a good week! This week was one for the books; full of baking by many people, lots of goods sold, and many stories were shared. On Monday I had contacted Fox 43 news and told them about the bake sale occuring March 6th, and they seemed interested. During the week my friends helped me make the tri-fold for my bake-sale, those little hand prints are from my little friends from the kindergarten unit. Many people had signed up for the bake sale, but when Thursday came, I could not believe how many bake-goods I had received for the bake sale!
My good friend Alex really helped make the bake-sale ease by, she really put her business degree to good use. There were many, many generous people that donated, thank-you all!! I got many raised eye-brows when I told people of the foundation that I am raising money for, and many nods while stating that this was a great cause. Many people shared their tales of their battles with depression, or of how they lost someone to suicide. I was glad that people felt very open to talking to me about this; this shows we are breaking the stigma. Finally the news came! Many were laughing at how excited and nervous I was, but I was so glad the news came. They helped make the awarness reach out to more people.
The bake-sale was a GREAT success, we raised $594.00 dollars! Thank-you to everyone, you are saving lives!
*Special thanks to all the wonderful bakers that donated there delicious bake-goods, people that helped set up and take down the bake sale, help make the tri-fold, and the people that helped me sell the bake-goods (especially thanks to those little sales people!)

News!

Hey Friends,

Great news!! During my bake sale the Fox 43 news crew came and interviewed me about the bake sale and also about my fundraiser! So tonight at 10 o'clock watch the Fox news!

Bake Sale!

Save The Date:

March 6th, Bake Sale at West Shore YMCA!

Buy goods to save lives!

Week 4

Hey Friends,

Hope everyone is doing well! I received another donation this week, thank-you!! This week was very busy, just like the others. I passed out the bake sale flyers to the parents at the YMCA (in the Kindergarten unit where I work) and had many sign-ups, thank-you to all that have signed up! There will be a great variation of bake goods (brownies, cup cakes, chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, etc.), so save the date! I lack artistic skills, so my friend will be making a really cool trifold to present at the bake sale, so be prepared to check out art while you eat delicious bake goods!
I have also sent out more letters, and have noticed more and more views of this site; thanks friends for helping spread the word! I just want to say I've been talking to more and more people about this walk and this cause, and I've heard about the loss of loved ones or how they know someone that suffers from a mental illness. Through these conversations we are losening the stigma. Again I am sorry to all those that have lost someone to suicide, it's a sorrowful path, but you are not alone.
This next week was be very crazy, and I hope to see you all at the bake sale!! Thanks to all that are making this possible!

Speech at the Salvation Army; Seeing Old Pals

Hey Friends,

So I gave my speech today about suicide and my walk at the Home League which is held at the Salvation Army. I was very nervous, but am very glad I took a speech class in my spring semester! There were very great questions, and comments. People were sharing stories about the loved ones that they themselves lost to suicide. I was sad to hear of the loses, and again I am sorry for anyone who has lost someone to suicide. But I am glad we are losening the stigma and being able to talk about it.
Today I also stopped by to see my old guidence counselor at my High School. As I walked into the school I was stopped by a familiar face, the old intern secratary It was great to see old faces, and once I told her about this awesome walk, she jumped aboard. Then if was off to see my counselor, a woman who was there since the beginning of the loss of my mother. We greeted each other with enthustiastic hugs and hellos. She was excited to hear about my walk, and was ready to pass the word around.
I saw many old and new faces today, but they all heard about the same amazing opportuinty to save lives. Thanks to all that are making this possible!

Theraputic Poetry; "Meeting"

Hey Friends, this poem was written on May 11th, 2008. A year and a half after I lost my mother, I started attending a meeting called "Survivors of Suicide." I go to this meeting once a month, and it is my family. People go to this meeting because they have lost a loved one to suicide. I wanted to express my appreciation for this meeting, so what better way then writting a poem.

Meeting

I went to my Survivors
meeting.
My family,
my friends,
my hope.
I cried because of my hatred
for you.
I cried because of my love
for you.
I felt as a little kid at this
meeting, as though
my questions of why
could never be
answered.
“Why wasn’t I enough?”
All eyes looked down
showing me
the answer.
That they have felt
this way too.
A quick sigh, but my heart
was beating for an
answer.
But the question
was not that I was enough,
it was why couldn’t she fell
my love.
Depression.
I cried even more, because
I hated her, but loved her.
I was a child facing a problem
even God would question.
There are so many questions,
but when the realization
comes that there are
no answers, it feels
as though breath is taken
from your body.
But when others look at you
with the same pain
in their eyes and
still construct a
genuine smile,
your breath returns.

Week 3

Hey Friends,

Hope all is well with all of you. This week again was very busy. I sent out the letters and flyers, and even had others send them out for me, thanks guys!! I received three donations this week, thank-you for helping to save lives! Through this fundraiser I am hearing some amazing stories, about how many have been affected by suicide. It is very sad to hear these stories, but I am glad we were able to talk about it. Slowly by telling our tales we are breaking the silence.
On Thursday, February 26th, I will be giving a speech about suicide at the church I attend. I'm hoping my nerves will stay calm, and people will see my passion for this cause; cross your fingers for me everyone.
Please feel free to comment or send me e-mails, I love to listen. Hope you all have a great week, keep on checking out this awesome site!

Theraputic Poetry; "Placed a Rose"

Okay, so from my site you've seen the scary statistic that every 16 minutes we lose someone to suicide, well here is another one. Every seventeen minutes, someone is left to make sense of it, and on average the loved one lost to suicide leaves six people behind. After hearing this statistic I decided to get out my lucky green pencil and write and this is what came out...

Placed a Rose

Look up at the sky
full of dark clouds.
Now the clouds cry
dark tears.
Steps are taken towards
the casket.
Her love and father of
her children places a
bright rose on her casket, the
rose leaves his fingers
just as she left his.
Her father and mother walk
brokenly gripping each
other.
Her mother looks away
not wanting to see
that she could no
longer help
her.
Her father places a rose,
fully bloomed, looks
at her face and
wishes for a
smile.
Her sister walks up to her looking
back.
A rose is placed, and she
walks forward.
Her eldest daughter walks up,
then back, then
up again.
Tears roll from her face
to her mothers.
She looks up then down,
slowly the rose is places on her
casket.
Her son looks down, only to look
up to know he is
There.
He looks at her yearningly.
Very slowly he places the
rose on her casket,
and looks up.
Her youngest daughter takes baby
steps towards her.
Closes her eyes and takes
a deep breath.
She looks away and bites
her lip.
She grabs her hand, cold, hard.
She looks at the rose then at her.
Placing the rose on her casket she
places her love.
One person, six roses.

Theraputic Poetry;"Walk"

Yes my friends, poetry. After I lost my mom I began to write poetry, and if I didn't have it I wouldn't be as stable as I am today. I wrote this poem almost two years ago, and I found it very suitable.

Walk

I am a girl,
fighting to live,
fighting against myself
to live.
My mother my best friend
she drew her last
breath.
and left me here to
breath without her.
Courage, my courage laid
with her in that coffin.
Now I walk this gray
path, telling my story.
Hope and strength run through
me.
Many changes occurred for
me to be
this way.
I am a girl with a
story.
My mother made herself
breathe her last breath.
But I will still stand.
My story is to never
take your life.
I walk everyday
without her.
Breathing without her.

Week 2

Hey Everyone,

Hope all is well with all of you. So week two, it was great. I got my business card for this walk today! It looks great, and I will pass them out to everyone. The colors on the card are purple and blue because they are the colors for survivors of suicide. I also got my flyer and letter printed today, special thanks to my friend Dan, he fixed my horrible grammar. I'll be sending the letters and flyers out on Monday. I'm crossing my fingers that word spreads and they help support this awesome cause. March 6th, mark it on your calendars my friends, there will be a bake sale to raise money. I'm not the best cook, so I am very thankful that many of my family and friends have volunteered to make some goodies for the fundraiser.
On to week three, thanks to all that are making this possible!!

Week 1

Hey Friends,

I have to say this has been a crazy week! I have spoken with many genorous people this week. Things are really coming together.
I spoke with my director at work (West Shore YMCA) and he is on board; letting me do fundraising at YMCA. This is great, I can really get the word out. There I will be holding a bake sale on March 6th, 2009. All the money raised will of course go to my walk. Tell all your friends to come get sweets, and help save lives!
I also spoke to my pastour this past weekend and he is also on board, were still ironing out the details. But I will am going to talk to the teens at the church about suicide. This is what I am really excited about because I'm helping fight the ignorance of suicide.
I will be sending letters out to many people across the states, hopefully it begins a chain.
So this was the first week, things are begining to roll. Keep reading my friends!

* A special thanks to all the genorous people that have helped me, thank-you.

Day 1

Thanks Rob.